How To Eat The Elephant
Posted by Arsene Hodali in Featured Articles, Self Creation/Identity
First, you’ve got to tell yourself you’re going to eat this damn elephant.
Then, before you even attempt eating the elephant, make sure you have the right utensils. Go to the kitchen, grab a fork, a knife, and a plate. Bring these to the table. Bring your whole self to the table.
Sit down and look at the elephant before you, it’s pretty big.
Take a deep breath. Close your eyes. When you open them again only look at the elephant’s feet. The hardest part to eat. For you, right now, that’s all that exists. And it’s not as big a challenge as eating the whole thing at once.
Open your eyes. See, no elephant – only a leg.
Take your knife, cut a piece off the leg, and with the fork bring it up to your lips, into your mouth, and chew. Pretty tough meat isn’t it? Don’t worry, remember what your mom told you as a kid , “20 chews then swallow.” 18… 19… 20, swallow. Now take your knife again, yes… we’re going to do it again.
Now the legs done. Close your eyes again. Open them. What do you know – another foot to eat. Pick up your knife and fork, get to work.
How’d those four legs taste? Like hard work right? Close your eyes. Open them. Ahhh, the torso. The meatiest part of all.
I know what you’re thinking, “There’s so much!” But hey, it’s not a tough as the legs you just ate. Take your knife, cut a piece off, then use the fork to bring it up to your parting lips, into your mouth, pull the fork away – meat still in your mouth, and chew. Chew, chew, chew. This is why you’re here, to chew.
Finished with the torso? Good job. It’s all downhill from here. Close your eyes. Open them. A tail, a trunk, a couple ears, and a head – the loose ends are all on your plate.
Wait?!!! Where are you going?! Sit back down! You’re almost done, I promise. You’re full? You can’t possibly eat anymore? Well, I have faith in you. Your stomach’s bigger than you give it credit. Please sit back down.
… Thank you.
Where were we? Oh that’s right, the loose ends. Your knife and fork still with you? Good. You know what to do.
Done?
Close your eyes. Open them.
Empty plate. Wait, this can’t be.
Quick, close your eyes. Open them.
Empty plate. Hmmm, guess it was true. You’re done.
You just ate the 26,000 pound elephant.
How do you feel? Accomplished? You should.
Time to do as mother said, clean the table. Pick up your plate, your knife, your fork. Take them to the sink. Don’t worry about washing them now. Now, you sleep. You deserve it.
Tomorrow? Well, I didn’t really think about that. What do you do after you’ve eaten an elephant? Nothing much… ‘Cept, eat another. Yeah, let’s do that. Eat another elephant… Tomorrow. Today we rest.
So, how do you eat an elephant? Sit at the table everyday and eat bit by bit.
